Shitposting

Yes. This post is what it says. It is a shit post and this is I, a shit poster, who is shit posting on my own blog because why not. Well all my other posts can be categorized as shit posts too, which I did feel when I read them recently. I literally cringed at my own posts, which I wrote just a few months ago. I am sure I am gonna cringe at this post too, but who cares. Well, I do but anyways.

I realized today for the nth time that my writing skills have just become too shitty. It takes me hours to come up with good original formal sentences, there is no flair and I just prefer copy pasting rather than writing anything original. Maybe it’s fear or maybe I am just fucking stupid, I have no clue. So I thought of writing my blog again cause I haven’t written anything in such a long time. Will this random writing help me improve my game? I have no clue. However, (I didn’t use but here. hah!) I love to rant anyways and people won’t listen to me if I say it to them, so why not write it. Will I love it if someone reviews my writing and encourages me more? Obviously. Will I be heart broken if they ask for too many changes? Definitely.

Wow! I am at a loss now as to what to write. I am so damn confused all the time about everything. I really need to work on myself. Will I post about it? Well, I want to….but I am also afraid cause it’s too personal. I know anyone will hardly read it, but if I do become famous one day, everyone will know about my depressies :P. Man! that was mean, even for me. What is wrong with me? A lot of trauma! How to make it right? Lots of therapy and self work, which I am trying but it does take a lot of time and mental energy. Sometimes I feel that maybe I am doomed for life, but if I was, I wouldn’t have got the help I needed and chances to improve and make my life better.

“Suffering has a reason” and I do believe in that. I am in no way romanticizing suffering of people due to poverty, sickness or mental health issues or anything else. It’s not fair. However, I am just trying to make sense of my own suffering because I am trying to improve and change my situation here, using all the privilege I have because I am lucky that way and I am thankful for that. I just realised that I write very long sentences. Will try to improve on that front too.

I hope to sleep properly today as I have been having very disturbed sleep since days. Hope to write again soon.

P.S. I ate some cheese today and I am lactose intolerant. I am already very gassy and I might die of diarrhea tonight. So I will see you if I don’t.