Yes. This post is what it says. It is a shit post and this is I, a shit poster, who is shit posting on my own blog because why not. Well all my other posts can be categorized as shit posts too, which I did feel when I read them recently. I literally cringed at my own posts, which I wrote just a few months ago. I am sure I am gonna cringe at this post too, but who cares. Well, I do but anyways.
I realized today for the nth time that my writing skills have just become too shitty. It takes me hours to come up with good original formal sentences, there is no flair and I just prefer copy pasting rather than writing anything original. Maybe it’s fear or maybe I am just fucking stupid, I have no clue. So I thought of writing my blog again cause I haven’t written anything in such a long time. Will this random writing help me improve my game? I have no clue. However, (I didn’t use but here. hah!) I love to rant anyways and people won’t listen to me if I say it to them, so why not write it. Will I love it if someone reviews my writing and encourages me more? Obviously. Will I be heart broken if they ask for too many changes? Definitely.
Wow! I am at a loss now as to what to write. I am so damn confused all the time about everything. I really need to work on myself. Will I post about it? Well, I want to….but I am also afraid cause it’s too personal. I know anyone will hardly read it, but if I do become famous one day, everyone will know about my depressies :P. Man! that was mean, even for me. What is wrong with me? A lot of trauma! How to make it right? Lots of therapy and self work, which I am trying but it does take a lot of time and mental energy. Sometimes I feel that maybe I am doomed for life, but if I was, I wouldn’t have got the help I needed and chances to improve and make my life better.
“Suffering has a reason” and I do believe in that. I am in no way romanticizing suffering of people due to poverty, sickness or mental health issues or anything else. It’s not fair. However, I am just trying to make sense of my own suffering because I am trying to improve and change my situation here, using all the privilege I have because I am lucky that way and I am thankful for that. I just realised that I write very long sentences. Will try to improve on that front too.
I hope to sleep properly today as I have been having very disturbed sleep since days. Hope to write again soon.
P.S. I ate some cheese today and I am lactose intolerant. I am already very gassy and I might die of diarrhea tonight. So I will see you if I don’t.
What is it about 10 PM that brings the incredible gift of purpose, focus and hope in my life?
Before 10 PM today, I was living in utter purgatory. I was feeling incredibly stressed since morning, I was unable to concentrate on my work, I was freaking out every 5 mins about everything and I just wanted to lie down and cry, a lot. I was even about to cry during the session with my therapist because I was feeling so overwhelmed. Nothing was happening right.
After 10 PM, everything changed. The breeze became cooler. I was able to put myself in a chair and open my laptop to work. I was able to find the right avenues for job search. It felt like some magic had happened and I was destined to be here. I started to feel that everything is not wrong with my life and I can get out of every bad situation I find myself in. Most importantly, I started seeing hope.
This is not the first time this has happened. Nighttime brings incredible vigor and focus sometimes. However, it also leads to myself being drained out the entire day, feeling stressed, anxious and incredibly tired. Hence, night time madness is not a sustainable solution for me. I do find comfort in the night but I need to find an ideal time to sleep so that I could wake up a little early in the morning to maintain my newly decided routine, which has become too distorted currently due to PMS and periods.
Today was one of the days when I was unable to take control of my thoughts and emotions. I was just feeling tired and overwhelmed the entire day. I was not able to relax or rest even if I tried to because I was stressed about work, not that I was able to get any important work done today due to feeling overwhelmed and it formed a vicious cycle. I did not even feel hungry all day. My body was hungry but I was not, which led to erratic meals. I decided to cook cabbage because I had the dough to make rotis. So I suppressed my urge to order from outside and cooked. However, the dough was very less, which led to two very small rotis, one of which got burned. After some time, my body was hungry again and I thought maybe I would feel good if I eat something. Hence, I ordered 2 frankies from Yo Frankie. Unfortunately, they turned out to be too spicy. Even a person who likes spicy food would not have been able to eat it. I was only able to eat one, that too with a lot of difficulty and called up Swiggy to return my money, which they did not. Instead, I got a coupon for Rs.95 which would expire in 30 days. I paid Rs.130. It was a loss my baniya brain would never forget. š
I then went out for a haircut, as my hair was not in great shape due to enormous hair fall, and I hoped going out would calm me a little. I even got a highlight and hair spa. The hair got too short but I like it. I have had long hair for too long, though long hair looks good on me. I hope my hair tangles less now and my hair fall reduces. My head does feel incredibly light now.
During my therapy session, I was so overwhelmed that I could not even listen to my therapist attentively. She did manage to get me in a better state by the end of the session (a good therapist is a blessing tbh), and reiterated the importance of mindfulness. Mindfulness is this incredible practice where we focus on the present while doing any task, ergo, be mindful of the task. We can do this my activating our senses and then the mind will follow suit. One can start by practicing it for at least 2 minutes a day, while doing anything, even a mundane task.
For example, I decided to practice it while kneading the dough tonight. I activated my sense of hearing and heard the fan and the flickering of the tube light. I activated my sense of sight and focused on the white colour of the flour, which was twisting and changing while being kneaded. I activated my sense of touch, feeling the texture of the dough, how it was dry before and then started becoming wet and sticky.
Sounds simple, right? No, it isn’t. At least not for me. My monkey mind kept wandering. It kept thinking what to do next, what to write on my blog, what to do tomorrow…blah blah blah. To be honest, it was just thinking the way it is used to thinking. Hence, when I was trying something new, it was being met with a lot of resistance. My therapist had told me that this will happen, it is completely normal and this will change time and practice. I did realize how I always keep thinking about “the next thing” while doing anything and never live in the present. Practicing mindfulness might help me and keep me more grounded and less overwhelmed. I have decided to practice it at least for 2 minutes a day while cooking. Let’s see what happens.
Other than the things which happened after 10 PM, there were a few other good things which happened today. My video about Menstrual Cups was well received and sparked a conversation about the ladies on my alumni group. I also received compliments for it from my girl friends. Some of my girl friends also flattered me with compliments about my looks and my hair and made me feel like a diva. Girl friends are the best thing. I love and cherish mine.
I feel exhausted right now, even though I feel like writing more or reading a book, I think I should at least try to get back to my schedule again, slowly and steadily. I hope to do some exercise tomorrow, eat healthy, get work done and not feel overwhelmed as I did today. I also feel that I should not write this blog as it is too personal and it should not be in the public space. I do not have a problem with it but future employers might. I do not know to be honest. On one hand I want a job but I also do not want to work somewhere which suppresses free speech. Let me know your thoughts about it.
Here’s to 1109 words of despair and hope for today.
I am back again, which I say in a lot of my blogs as I am pretty inconsistent. Right now I took the decision to write because I was feeling a lot of feelings, most prominently shitty about myself. I was thinking about restarting my writing today but did not do anything about it. However, I was chatting with a friend about writing blogs and then I just thought to take action without over-thinking it. So here I am.
The title “Rollercoaster of Everything” depicts my mental and emotional journey of today, or from yesterday till right now as it is 1:45 am already.
I was PMSing since the past 5 days and they are the most disoriented days for me, even worse than when the periods actually arrive. I am unable to sleep during these days at all, my mind is restless, my body keeps giving me false alarms for periods and the abdominal region just feels so strange and tense. It drives me crazy. I am so high strung during these times that I either feel extremely sad or extremely happy with an undertone of sadness about everything.
Fortunately, my periods arrived today and the cramps have replaced the restlessness of my body. However, my mind is still restless and high strung.
I feel happy about making a video on my experience with the menstrual cup and am thinking of ideas to make more videos on different topics, make review videos of different brands of menstrual cups if someone finances me because otherwise I keep wondering that why am I doing it. I want to do it but I am unable to figure out what benefit will I gain from it in future. This is what I keep thinking about everything and I think that it hampers my proactiveness and risk taking abilities. The over-thinking leads to less energy left for action.
I want to do so many things in life but I feel I am unable to do anything. So many thoughts keep running through my head all the time which hampers my focus and my ability to convey my thoughts clearly, especially while speaking. I feel like leaving my current job and start working in social media marketing or content writing. However, I feel that I am just being impulsive about it because I find my current job difficult. Also, starting in a new field from scratch would not pay me enough along with the fear of not being successful in those fields.
Hence, I decided to read, write and make videos as a hobby. There is time and dedication required even to pursue a hobby. I keep making plans to make myself consistent. I feel that if I want to read, I should read everyday, I should write everyday and make videos on weekends. All these plans also overwhelm me and I feel like if I start pursuing my hobbies then I won’t be able to concentrate properly on my work or learn data analytics, which I have to in order to progress in my career and find better jobs. I do not understand how do some people do so many things. My brain starts feeling tired when I think a lot :P.
I was oscillating between feeling good and bad about myself. I felt bad due to some things said by someone and it made me feel that no one values me, when I know that there are people who do value me but then my mind says that might not be true. Such contradictions. Wow.
I am also facing series of defeats in terms of my current job and finding a new job. Everything is just making me tense. I feel like I am not working properly at my current job. Even when I work, I doubting about everything being wrong, I am unable to focus and nothing I do will make a any difference.
I was thinking to start writing again as my mind has forgotten to come up with appropriate words, even in chats. While chatting with a friend today, I was writing in a childish manner and was not able to come up with even simple terms such as enhancement or learning curve. I think if I read and write everyday, my skills will improve. Also, if I make videos frequently with me talking, it might help me with my extreme fear of public speaking. I find this fear funny as I have been on the stage so many times and I like being on stage or speaking but I always get nervous and do not speak properly. I used to get nervous even when I had to speak something in class. My therapist told me that it is the fear of judgement which causes the nervousness. It might be true, though I do not understand why it also happens when I am making videos alone.
I am still brainstorming topics of videos with myself and there are too many thoughts in my mind running unstructured. I can make videos about the books I have read, about different menstrual cups (can only start next month as periods come once a month), make funny or informative tutorials on things. I wonder if I should find a niche or post anything I want in my same account. Posting content on a new account will be time taking as I will have to get new followers etc. and will get very less views initially. Also, is it really necessary to have a forte? To be honest, I do not know.
I hate the self-help books and “motivational speakers”. However, I like listening to practical suggestions and lifestyle changes advocated my some people which also enhances my perspective of life.
It’s around 2:30 am right now. I am sleepy but I also want to finish the book “Girl, Woman and Other” which I have since months and I have still not finished it, like I do with a lot of other things.
I like writing and I have no content except my life. So I want to write about my life. My hope is that there might be others who are in a turmoil like myself and reading my blogs might help them because relatable content helps me a lot and gives me perspective. I also fear that we should not expose ourselves too much on the internet, which made me confused even more. However, I will at least try to write something and post it everyday, even if it’s just one line.
Here’s to 1117 words of my rant. I am not editing this as it is just a rant for today.
Today’s blog is an educational one. I will teach you to be a Pro at Procrastination in 4 simple steps. So strap on as you are about to Change. Your. Lives.
Step 1: Have a task
It can be anything. Office work, research work, homework, writing a blog, getting up from your bed to water your organs as they are crying out of dehydration…..just anything.
Step 2: Think about that task
Plan that task in your head. Think about it deeply. Imagine yourself doing the task. Let’s say the task is to water your organs.
Now, imagine yourself removing the blanket from your legs, then turning towards the edge of the bed or sofa, struggling to wear your slippers without letting your feet touch the cold ground, straightening your legs and hearing your knee caps crack while you are trying to balance yourself, walking towards the kitchen, picking up the glass, filling it with water, then flinching because it is cold , but drinking it anyways because warming it up will involve another set of tasks, and then done. Mission accomplished.
Every other task can be simply imagined like this for this step. Just try it.
Step 3: Do not Do the Task
Now that you have imagined every step required to complete the task, do not dare to jump right into action. You are a not a fool. Come on!! Just say to yourself that you will do it in a few minutes and repeat the same after the few minutes are over.
Step 3 (modified): Scrolling all the Way
For people who are not comfortable with Step 3, I have a modified version for you as I am a super considerate empath. You can simply open Instagram, Reddit, Discord, Facebook (how old are you? 90?) , Quora (seriously? what is wrong with you?) or any other app which you can scroll through. Even Inshots or Google news will do.
You can also open Youtube, Netflix, Prime, or any other OTT and simply lose yourself. Get absorbed in it, but not too much. Remember, you have to think about your task every few minutes, remind yourself that you are a wretched sloth who cannot do anything in life and then continue using your phone. I think a visual representation of this will help you better:
Step 4: Say “I will do it Tomorrow”
Anyone can call themselves a procrastinator by doing it later, but it takes only a pro procrastinator to “think about doing it tomorrow.” Does that tomorrow ever come? You never know.
It is tough and requires enormous mental strength, but I will help you succeed.
Just think- ” Is the deadline to submit my presentation tomorrow night?” If the answer is a Yes, simply assure yourself with full confidence that you will definitely do it tomorrow, even though you had to start 5 days ago and your job depends on it.
Keep scrolling through your Insta feed while laughing at the people who are getting married or write a dumb blog about showing off your procrastination habit as a skill when it is obviously ruining your life. Basically, whatever does not get you going and procrastinate. It’s your choice.
Suppose the task is of watering your organs, just think- “Will I die if I do not water my organs today?”. If the answer is a No…. Screw the answer. Move that ass and drink the damn water, you idiot.
I did not feel like writing yesterday. I did not even feel like writing today and I was about to sleep when suddenly an idea popped into my head and I had to type it out. Also, I was feeling this guilt of not writing, so here I am, typing with a headache because I am drowsy since an hour.
While talking to a friend today, I realized how inconsistent I am at almost everything in life. I say almost because there are some activities which I do everyday- brush my teeth, wash my face, pee , poop and eat. Apart from this and some other necessary physiological activities, which includes Instagram and Whatsapp :P, I find it nearly impossible to be consistent at anything in life.
So many quotes and stories about how consistency changes lives and how it is more important than just being smart. I am neither.
I have been consistent for some days for things which seemed very important to me such as preparing for CAT, or board exams during school. Otherwise, I have prepared for all my exams at the last minute. I do not even feel like going out of the house everyday. I do not feel like talking to people everyday. I cannot maintain a consistent sleep schedule. The things I promised I would do everyday are not happening anymore such as reading or keyboard. I want to reduce weight but I am unable to follow a diet or exercise everyday. I wanted to consult an expert for it but then did not because I know I would not be consistent and waste my money.
Hell, I am not even consistent at having fun. At college also, some days I wanted to have fun with friends, but when it became everyday, it just set me off, even if I was free. This problem has affected me in a lot of ways, even in relationships.
My therapist told me that this happens to me because I think a lot before doing anything and I think so much that my energy is gone before I could actually do it. That includes even small things like just getting up to put my phone to charge. Her advice to me was to just do it. It’s easier said than done but it did work for a while. I think because I did not think much, I just opened my laptop and started typing now, no matter how mindlessly. But guess what? I was not consistent at it either. I do not do the things I like everyday just because I have no clue. It just how my mind works. Maybe it is the same thing which triggers my escapism. I do not know.
I have to force myself so much to do simple things, which just scares me all the time. I do not understand how a lot of people work so hard make a big name for themselves. I wonder if I will remain like this forever and how will I survive like this or have a good life if I continue like this. Will I ever be able to reach my goals and fulfill my dreams?
Can we be successful in life by not being consistent? Is there some other way for me to make things work? I have no clue. All I can do is try consistently. š
There are times when you are angry at so many things at once, that you cannot really say what is making you angry. You feel that you are just angry for no reason. Today is that day for me.
These kind of days are not a rarity for me. They often come out of the blue, or so I think, and go as per their wish. When it came today, I just blamed it on hormones, like always, even though my periods are weeks away. So I decided to think about the reasons for my anger as I write. Please bear with me, if you wish. #consentismandatory
I am angry because I had a very disturbed sleep last night. Technically it’s today morning as I slept at 3:30 am and woke up at 11. My sleep was getting frequently broken and I have been feeling drowsy and cranky since I woke up.
I am angry because I am slacking and I did not write my blog last night. In my defense, I was busy making a “This or That” challenge video with my cousin sister and it took 3 hours to make and edit a 30 second reel. And people think making videos is easy. The sad part is that the video did not garner as many views as I expected and I am unable to think to any new ideas to make a good video. All this made me angrier. Hmph!
I am angry because I watched a video by Swaddle today about how women who are out of their houses after dark for work or anything are considered as “bad women” and they are blamed if they are harassed and raped my men. The “Akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai” shit being propagated since centuries.
We, the human species, are so stupid that we have believed this logically flawed argument since centuries and that too universally. I mean, women are not safe even in their own homes. Sexual harassment by family members is such a common occurrence. Why is the onus on being safe is on women and not on the men who harass them? Women with short clothes, women at night, women with a boy, women with anyone wearing anything and doing anything are unsafe everywhere. Should all women just not exist? We have been suppressing half the population of the world with these illogical arguments since times immemorial and still such little conversation and action is happening to change discourse.
I got a few DMs due to my comment on the video. The ones by a few girls were quite encouraging. One guy blamed it on education and environment and said that just telling men won’t solve anything. He was right. It would not solve anything. But does that mean we keep blaming women and not put the onus of sexual harassment on men? Hell No!!
Environment is not some alien thing on which we do not have control. We make the environment and the environment is patriarchal which leads to toxic masculinity and suppression of women. He also said that men who rape are not from good backgrounds and are mentally unstable. That argument is heavily flawed. The so called “elite” and “educated” people also rape and harass women. There are several incidents of sexual harassment in academia by PhD supervisors and professors.
Moreover, rape is the ultimate form of violence which is done to show power over women. There are so many other forms of oppression such as eve teasing, slut shaming, not allowing freedom to women in household, marital rape, not allowing girls to work or study, not allowing them to go out at night “for their own safety”. Marital rape is not even a crime in India.
I personally have lost so many opportunities in life because I cannot go outside late at night, I cannot go to some places alone, or I cannot do a particular kind of work because it might not be safe. I spend extra money to find “safe” hotels and transportation when I travel, while a lot of my male friends simply hitchhike and stay wherever they want.
My parents do not let me do a lot of things because “it is unsafe”. Yes, it is unsafe. It is unsafe because of the men who have made it unsafe. My suffering because of them is what patriarchy wants and its not my fault. It is unfair and screwed up and it makes me angry almost every single day of my life.
I was about to make a joke here that I am ranting, but it is not a rant. It is the reality which many women face and feel angry about it. If they do not feel angry about it, they should and channelize the anger towards the cause of freedom.
Yes, freedom because women are not free, and the sole reason is patriarchy. Yes, women are patriarchal too. If men had not lured women into patriarchy, it would not have existed. It is high time we recognize the hell-hole we have created and do something about it, even if it is radical because the problem is not getting solved.
I feel as if the root cause of racism, sexism and casteism is similar. I am not saying that the three problems are same and there is intersectionality, but the root cause is suppression of the supposed “weaker” sections. Who originated this shit of sexism? I have no clue. I would really like to know the history though.
So, these are the major reasons which have made me angry today. Patriarchy makes me angry everyday though. It should make us all angry. Feminism for me is being able to walk on the streets at night or any time without feeling scared.
I thought writing about it would calm me down but I am more triggered than ever lol. I will just listen to O Sanam by Lucky Ali for the tenth time today and eat Kurkure.
Today is one of those days when I got nothing to write about. Nothing. Zippo. Nada. So I will write about having nothing to write about cause it’s my blog and I can. The only place where I have free will or the illusion of it. One can never know.
I was planning to not write tonight. Again. Yet my heart just said that I had to, otherwise I will break my promise to myself. If anyone is reading this, apologies for the tardiness today.
I got asked the worst question ever today. That too twice. No, it was not “When are you getting married you are so old I don’t have a life haha”. It was- ” What are your future plans for your career? Where will you shift after your current job?”
Fortunately, the questions were asked by my friends, so I just shut them up by saying- “Don’t ask me these HR questions.” and attempted to fake laugh to not sound rude.
In my mind, I was blank. Both the times. Nothing. Nada. I have no clue. I used to think that I had a clue. I used to think about my career path and how I will navigate it. But now, I do not know if I even want to do those things, or if I am capable of doing those things. The fear of uncertainty gripped me in the entirety and I spiraled into a mild existential crisis. I say ‘mild’ here because I have had worse ones.
I wonder if I will always be like this, or things will improve with age as I will be more sure about it, though I do not see any super-confident and content adults around me. It makes me wonder if I have the chance of ever being sure of myself. It is funny how there are numerous Ted Talks on “Finding your Passion” and then numerous others on “It is all Hoax”. I find both bullshit.
Maybe it is because life is different for each person and the only thing common is hope. There can never be black and white. It is a rainbow with multiple shades and palettes, some of which cannot even be labelled.
I am probably off-brown as I am brown and something is always off about me. I don’t know if I make sense here. I don’t care about it. I am happy to live under the illusion of free-will over my blog. Do not dare to touch it.
I went from nothing to 434 words. Writing is truly an enriching activity.
I have recently realized that I suffer from something called the āOTT Lazinessā. You do not need to Google it, because I have created the term myself. I will not call it ādigital fatigueā because that occurs when you are forced to face the screen for work.
āOTT Lazinessā implies that I begin to feel super lazy as soon as I start watching a new series. I get too engrossed in it. I ignore my work. I procrastinate more. I want to binge eat. I even start ignoring my routine tasks such as reading and exercise.
I know I have a lot of work, so I was controlling myself to start any new series. However, I was getting bored while eating, so I started watching Hunters on Prime, as I had read in some random comment on some random post on Instagram that it is about the Jews killing the Nazis.
Historical fiction is my favorite genre. I have some weird fascination with holocaust, World War 2 and Jews. I loved Man in the High Castle. I think itās because I love history and any movie or series of this genre makes me relate to the stuff I have read in the past. It is fascinating to know so many aspects of a historical event, varied experiences and accounts. It makes me angry that people are capable of such horrific acts but also gives me hope that a lot of people survive, despite all odds, and can make a good life later, without forgetting what they went through.
āThere is nothing but the pastā was said by Al Pacino in the series. It reminded me of āSab kuch yaad rakha jayegaā, a poem which became popular during CAA-NRC protests.
The flashback of the series showing defiance by Jews in the camps in small ways such as playing the Hava Nagila and Ruth saving a young girl despite knowing that they will get shot for it is inspiring. At first, it made me wonder that what is the point of getting oneself killed for something insignificant like this, but then I realized that it gives others hope. The hope of defiance. The hope that they can also stand up to their perpetrators. It creates a ripple effect. This was depicted in the scene when the other prisoners began humming Hava Nagila after the musicians were killed.
If your defiance inspires others to rebel, it is worth dying for.
I have watched only 2 and a half episodes of the series till now and I am finding it interesting. I hope that it is good, since it casts Al Pacino and Josh Radnor aka Ted Mosby. No doubt that he is a good actor, but itās just weird to see him as not Ted Mosby, a sweet sexist man whose sole aim is to find the ālove of his lifeā.
Do not get me wrong. I enjoyed HIMYM a lot during my graduation days. I loved all the characters, except Ted. I hated him because he was a simp for Robin and he sugarcoated his assholeness so much that it was annoying. The series was fun to watch, though I think I am little old now to laugh at those jokes. Just like I am to unable laugh while watching FRIENDS anymore. That phase is over.
There are better shows now like The Office, Barry, Schittās Creek, Brooklyn Nine Nine, South Park, Family Guy etc., with more likeable characters and no laugh tracks. The jokes are more intelligent, which might not make you Hahahaha every time but Hehe or Hah a lot of times, which is good.
If you remove laugh tracks from shows such as Friends and The Big Bang Theory, the show will be of merely 15- 20 mins with only one or two Hahs. I think Two and A Half Men with Charlie Sheen episodes are an exception to this as I found the jokes funny and did not laugh merely due to the laugh tracks.
I do not know if anyone cares, but if you do, Ā apologies for my absence yesterday. I had to go out for a wedding and I was tired when I reached home. I had already penned down an article for Vidyakansha, an NGO I am volunteering for as a content writer. I wrote a lot more than 200 words, so my quota was already done. No cheat day. Yay!
I did cheat upon my reading yesterday and my exercise today. I have abandoned my keyboard practice altogether as I do have the time or interest for it right now. Mostly interest. I have taken up research work on two fronts and also wrote a blog for my friendās travel company today. So overall, my writing work is on. I am not sure about the quality of my content yet. My Vidyakansha article and the travel article were well received, though I think that anything which someone else writes seems fine to others generally. Yeah, I got low self esteem and massive trust issues. Stop me if you can. Please.
I will post an improved version of the piece I had written for the writing workshop as the instructor said he liked it and suggested to make it more descriptive. The piece does not have any words exceeding two syllables, adjectives or adverbs, and I have tried to describe everything using verbs, which did make the article a little bland, but that was the task. I could not even use the word sanitizer and sufficed with spirit.
I will use a few adjectives in the version I post here to make it a little more interesting, though the feel of the piece is mundane. I hope you will like it.
I used to wonder why menstruation was called periods in the colloquial term. Someone said that it is called āperiodsā because it is something which happens periodically, i.e., once in a month. I believed it.
But it is now that I understand the true meaning of the term – it brings a halt or a puts a period to oneās normal routine.
Periods lead to increased drowsiness as the blood loss tires the body. It is difficult to exercise because of the pain. I sufficed with only my neck movements today.
Periods leads to uneasiness, making it difficult to work.
The mood swings and irritation makes it difficult to interact with people. Even if you are not working, one can face difficulty in just spending the day because of the pain, uneasiness and mood swings.
It hurts to lay down, to sit or to stand up. The most useful thing I find is to distract oneself with any movie or TV show but then I didnāt even feel like watching anything. I did not even watch Zindagi Gulzar Hai.
Plus I had work and guests coming and family members asking why am I so glum even after I clearly stated the reasonā¦ So yeah, not a great day.
I had a few topics in mind to write about such as a full musing on Fabulous Lives of Bollywood Wives and another on Male Privilege. I will write about the latter very soon. I also want to write a musing on the Hitchhikerās Guide to the Galaxy after I finish it but I have been reading it since so long that I have forgotten a lot of it.
I was thinking about time management today. How I waste my precious minutes in checking my phone unnecessarily and get lost into it for 10-15 minutes, and then pick it up again after 5 minutes. It has become a bad habit and I need to get over it. The reason I want to get over is that I suddenly have a lot of work now, along with which I wish to accomplish other things too and not ignore my keyboard, reading and writing.
I do think that I will have to ditch the keyboard for a while as I am not enjoying it that much as of now. I learnt what I did not know- reading Western music sheets and basics of chords. I donāt think continuing the class will help me anymore, though I have paid for the whole month. I will think about it.
OnionMusings 