#1 Pyaaz Bytes : Begin Again

Hello World,

Or

Hello to the Few Peeps Scrolling Past This Piece,

This is not a self-help blog. Well, it might be in a way as I am just helping myself here. I would be the happiest if it helps you too. I would not as you to wake up early in the morning. It is not the cure. I am not as boring as Robin Sharma. I swear.

I just concluded a four-part workshop called “The Art of Clear Writing” by the prolific writer and podcaster Amit Verma.

The workshop taught me several tips on what the title clearly mentions- “Clear Writing”. One of the major teachings was to use as less adjectives and adverbs as possible. This enabled me to explain what the workshop taught me in the first sentence of the paragraph instead of lazily writing “the workshop was amazing what a wow.”

I used to love reading and writing. I still do. They still give me a high, a sense of achievement. However, I have become very lazy with age. Not to say that I am old, I am only 25, though past the marriageable age according to my parents. Still, I do not feel like using my mental capacities a lot. Even my using my physical capacities make me breathless and I have gained a lot of weight. I try a lot to create good habits but they fizzle in a matter of few days, or nowadays even a single day makes me so bored. Yes, bored. Everything becomes boring for me after a week, max. It becomes frustrating for me as I feel that it hinders my work and my well-being.

Hence, I am inspired again today to begin again. I do not remember the nth time I am “beginning again”, but I will begin again, even if I fail because if I don’t, I would never do it. Amit gave a wonderful advice today to not think about the habit one needs to develop but but how we picture our perfect self when we develop the habit. For example: By developing the habit of brushing my teeth every night, my teeth will shine and I will look amazing in photographs. (only if you concentrate on the teeth though).

I will illustrate a few tasks I would like to do every day. I have already installed the Outlook To-Do list app on my phone and have set these tasks to “Repeat Everyday”. I might come up with a few tasks as I type, who knows.

1. Writing 200 Words a Day:

I picture my perfect self as a well-known writer of Op-eds, blogs and research papers. I would also like to write stories and comedy, preferably dark comedy, which will be inspired from my life or I will pretend that it is. My Op-eds and blogs will also contain humor as I love reading and hearing those kind of pieces.

Today was the last session of the workshop and I received the greatest advice:

Start your writing gym.

Build up the writing muscle by writing at least 200 words a day. Well, this is why I am writing this piece, and it has already exceeded the minimum requirement. It can be like a Dear Diary and it can be private. I am posting it on my blog because I like it when someone reads my piece. Validation is important. Or even if no one reads it now, it has the scope to be read by someone as it is in the public domain.

I know that my writing is not the best and it needs practice to improve. It takes a lot of time for me to write something because I keep thinking a lot and most of the time I do not like the end result. I have written two blogs in the last month on Education as I forced myself to volunteer as a content writer at Vidyakansha. Earlier, I used to non-forcibly volunteer for content writing. I have been the editor for my department magazine during graduation. I also earned around Rs.2.5k while working as a content writer for an app. I have been complimented for my writing by my college-mates and have been asked for advice. However, I have lost the confidence, which is also a reason for procrastination.

Hence, I will write at least 200 words each day, on anything I feel like and post it here. It’s my blog. I have the power. I will not hesitate to write as I am not looking for anyone’s opinion on it. Although, I will try not to post gibberish and will post the second or the third draft because the “first draft is a mental dump and we should not hesitate from writing it as no one sees it”, as said by Amit.

I also began watching Zindagi Gulzar Hai today and the protagonists write their diary every day, which inspired me.

2. Reading 10 Pages Every Day:

I envision myself as someone who is a passionate reader and can talk about books forever. Reading takes me to different places. It gives me pleasure and perspective and even if I do not brag about it, I love it.

I used to be an avid reader of fiction when I was in school. I issued a book or two every week from my school library. The librarian used to love me. I also began reading the newspaper when I began my CLAT coaching in Grade 11^th which was a turning point of my life as it transformed my world-view. However, when I began college, I began to lose touch as I “never found the time.”

I used to force myself to read during the holidays and I did manage to complete a book or two. However, with time, my concentration reduced a lot. A LOT. I also started to feel that my memory has been hampered, though there can be a lot of reasons for it.

Now, I take up months to finish a book. I binge-read sometimes, using immense will-power to not get distracted. It makes me feel good. After one binge reading session, I decide to read at least 10 pages every day as finishing a book makes me feel good, but then I just keep procrastinating because I am unable to concentrate and I “do not feel like” reading. I have just become a book hoarder as I still love the idea of reading and not making an effort for the actual act.

However, as I am “Beginning Again” today, that too, quite publicly, I have decided to read at least 10 pages every day. I picked up this advice from the blog of Mark Manson, known for the book “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.” I do not agree with every life advice on this newsletter but I liked this one and had tried it again earlier, which was useful.

Although I am a sucker for fiction, I will also read non-fiction as it does give a lot of perspective on different things and also fuel to brag during gatherings.

Currently, I am on page no. 353 of “The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy: A Trilogy in Three Parts” by Douglas Adams. It is the funniest book I have ever read. I enjoy reading it whenever I do read it. Hence, I will complete it in some time by beginning with 10 pages a day and will definitely write about it the day I complete it.

3. Practice Keyboard for Half an Hour:

My vision is to be able to create musical notes on my own after listening to a song and play, seemingly, in an effortless manner, alone or in front of my friends.

I used to learn the Indian classical music on the keyboard when I was in 8^th grade. I left it after a year because I did not enjoy practicing. (Yes. I am lazy since forever). My consistency of not being consistence prevents me to be consistent at anything.

Anyways, I found the keyboard at my home during the lockdown. I opened my notes and realized that I still remember how to play. I began playing almost everyday for fun. It also gave me confidence as I was able to remember the notes with practice and made me think that my memory is not that bad.

I began watching Youtube videos to learn different songs but found it difficult because I did not know how to read western music notes or play it as it involves chords. So I found a music teacher online and he is teaching me through Zoom. Yes, it is not the same as learning in person but these are the Zoom times. I was excited to learn chords. Playing also gave me a dopamine rush as I could immediately see the effect of practicing a few times, which pushed me to practice.

Also, learning to play with both hands simultaneously will activate the two hemispheres of my brain and increase my mental capacity along with my confidence.

However, after a few days, I stopped practicing as the consistency made me bored and I began procrastinating. I made excuses to skip class, even though I had paid in advance. So I have decided to practice at least half an hour everyday of whatever Sir has taught. I already know that practicing it will make me play better each time as I have seen the results earlier.

4. Exercise for 15 mins a Day:

I have actually become fat with a belly. My clothes of the past year do not fit me anymore. I have tried a lot to exercise but I fail consistently. Nevertheless, I am beginning again. I will exercise for at least 15 mins a day. I will do my neck exercises first and then progress from there. Baby-steps.

5. Skin care:

I envision my face to be pimple free, blemish free and glow.

I have not included this in my to-do list yet, but I will. It is cold and I am avoiding washing my face with a face wash at night, which I used to do before. This is resulting in more pimples. Hence, from now on, I will heat some water, mix it and wash my face every night and use a toner to close pores and prevent pimples, as my parlor lady advised me.

I have also impulsively ordered a Tea Tree Night Lotion and Tea Tree Night Mask from BodyShop. I already use their Tea Tree Face Wash and I love it. I hope the other two are also good as they are quite expensive for my budget.

I will include them in my nightly skin care routine when they arrive and hope to fulfill my vision. I know only using products don’t result in miracles and I should drink plenty of water and eat right, which is also something that I am trying.

We come to an end of my every day to-do list rant. I am already feeling overwhelmed again as apart from all these, I have work too. Lol. My therapist did tell me that my personality type is such that I just keep procrastinating about doing something and it overwhelms me so much that I do not end up doing anything. She advised me to stop thinking and just do it. The list will help me.

I am trying to think about them as very small and least time consuming tasks, which they are actually.

The time is 1:10 am on the 29^th of November, 2020. However, this entry will be counted as that of 28^th November as I began writing at 11:45 pm on that date.

Here’s to writing again on the 29^th, hopefully before midnight. Cheers!

P.S. I might change the main title of the series from Pyaaz Musings to anything else I want to, depending on my intentions. However, I will not stop numbering the series.

Movie Musing : Bohemian Rhapsody

It has been 3 hours since I got out of the movie theatre after watching Bohemia Rhapsody, and I cannot get over it. The sound, feel and characters of the movie are still lingering around me, both inside and outside of my mind. It feels like a beautiful hangover, which is tingling me, giving me goosebumps.
For the first time in my life, I took myself out to the movies alone. I do not feel it is a big deal but it was a first anyway. Moreover, my friends here do not listen to Queen ( poor unfortunate souls) and a non-fan would really not enjoy the movie. Fortunately, I was not alone in the theatre. There were 50 other fans with me and we were all singing, clapping, rejoicing and crying together. It was one of the best theatre crowds ever.
Although I am a fan, I did not have much knowledge about Mercury and his antics. When I had first listened to Bohemian Rhapsody 2 years ago (yes, I am a late bloomer, but anyway), the first thought that came to my mind was that Freddie Mercury is a genius. You have to be a genius to write such an eccentrically beautiful song. Fortunately, the movie showed it to me and how! One cannot be a “regular” person to create such a legacy. He named the band Queen because it had no meaning. Bohemian Rhapsody had random words to create a mystery, which made the song more famous. Poetry cannot be loved if everything is explained.
The most astounding feature of his character was his confidence, and that is what made him. He was confident about his bucked teeth, queer sense of style, which brought about a revolution in the industry. Who would have imagined a group of boys to be bold enough to cross-dress for the video “I want to Break Free” in the 80s. He taught me that if you are confident about what you are doing, no matter however you look or talk, no one can take it away from you.
Freddie’s urge to be accepted was a major theme of the movie and it did touch many chords in me. I won’t state the reasons here (I also am unaware of most of them), but I have had troubles being accepted by my peers and the people around me, I guess I still do. Most of it is psychological too, just like in the case of Freddie. The songs he wrote for us misfits were something which helped a lot of us. “A band of misfits for the misfits.” It truly was.
So beautiful it is when you realize the origin of your favorite songs. What pain and pleasure the artists went through to produce such beauty. I could not help but wonder about Linkin Park and Chester Bennington. The resonating lyrics of each song, the pain in his voice, and the suicide.
The most beautiful part of the movie was love. The love between Mary and Freddie because of the belief they had in each other, despite Freddie being gay. The love among the band members and their belief in each other. Even though Freddie went out of control and left the band, they loved and revered him, and eventually got back together. They truly believed he was a legend, he still is.
Even though the movie was Freddie’s biopic, it did not let the other band members go unnoticed. It showed the contribution of each and every member, without whom it would not have been Queen.
The Live-aid concert, in the end, was beauty, and it brought tears to my eyes, not only because the songs were beautiful, but because of Freddie’s passion which reflected completely in his performance. He was immersed in the performance so beautifully that he forgot all his fears, and you could feel it too.
In spite of all the negative publicity that Freddie and the band received, the people loved him and will always remember him, not because he was queer, but because of his passion for music and the masterpieces which the band created together. He will forever be known what he believed he was born for- music.

Let A Person Be

“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.”

                                                                                                                                                                     ― Mark Twain

A challenging task it is to arrive in terms of your own self, and even more challenging is to maintain the state.

After years of being teased and bullied for being the girl who is too thin,too Bihari, too tensed, who wears thick glasses, who constantly looks grim, who looks weird, walks weirdly,  talks weirdly, doesn’t smile, and I don’t know what not,  it is very difficult to like oneself,  but yes, I have begun trying.

I believe age did the trick here, as I am still taunted and teased for most of it and some more. To be honest, it has reduced my confidence to such an extent that I don’t know if I ever will be a confident person. Constant assurances do work for the short term, but it is a tiring task. It has made me too much dependent on other people for compliments and reassurances, which backfires many times if someone says anything “unfavorable”.  Fortunately, the realization of your flaw is a big leap towards improvement.

We often listen and read about how we should not care about other people’s opinion of ourselves and we all agree that it is true. However, if it is a universal idea, why do we give it anyway? What’s the point?

However, people around us do throw words at us and we are affected by them.  We can’t just wake  up one fine day and stop giving a shit. It does matter to us. It does affect our energy, even if we think otherwise.

By the time I was in my third year of graduation,  my brain became so sick and tired of all the constant badgering that a great defense mechanism emerged – Self-depreciating humor-and boy have I used it!

As a matter of fact, I still use it, almost all the time, though the intensity has reduced, and will hopefully reduce further. Self-depreciating humor is excellent, but at the end of the day, it is a defense mechanism, hence, unhealthy and fucks up the brain. It just made me a bitter person from within and almost all my friendships were just shallow, as I had no confidence that anybody wants to be my friend. Being surrounded by people and still feeling lonely is not easy.

 

I know and always knew that the people aren’t lying. I am too thin( have gained weight now though), I walk and talk differently, my eyes are a little droopy, I have a resting grim face and what not. Nevertheless, these things never bothered me. I cannot change these things. I do not care about smiling much when I am in a neutral mood, I cannot undergo surgery to look “normal”, or change my gait or anything else. In fact, I loved my body when it was thin and I even love it now. These things never bothered me, unless some great observers began to pinpoint it. In front of everyone. All the time. As I have mentioned above, it wrecked havoc in my life.

 

“Often, it’s not about becoming a new person, but becoming the person you were meant to be, and already are, but don’t know how to be.”

                                                 ― Heath L. Buckmaster, Box of Hair: A Fairy Tale

 

Yes, after 22 years, I have come to terms with it.Even though I was and still am “weird”  in many ways, I am breathing, I am working, I am constantly trying to be more self-aware, and hoping for the best.

 

Mind you, coming in terms with all this wasn’t easy and I am still unsure if I am totally in terms with everything. I do not have any method as to how I did it. It just happened. Sometimes, it still bothers me, it makes me sick of myself, it makes  me wish I was someone else, but then I let the thought just pass.  I believe that the struggle is real for all those who have faced such problems.

The seeds of these kinds of problems mainly begin in schools when someone who looks, wears, walks, talks or acts a little differently, is teased and bullied. We don’t realize it, but it affects the person’s psyche in negative ways. It also creates issues in their adult lives. In extreme cases, some children also commit suicide as they are not able to bear it anymore. The teasing may not be the sole reason for the suicide, but if it wasn’t present, maybe it could have been  avoided. You don’t know what is going on in someone’s house or head.

We just can’t  wash our hands from this by blaming the nature for it because the person was “born this way.” Everyone is born a certain way and no one has the right to make the person feel bad for it.

 I hope we all do something to control this epidemic.

I would like to appeal to all of you, let people be. If they aren’t harming anyone, let them be “weird” and don’t, I repeat, don’t, pester them about it. They have enough problems to deal with and your comments degrading their confidence won’t help. I am not saying that you should not correct a friend when they are wrong or your intentions are maligned. Having a bad habit and just being different are two separate things.

Let me give you an example- If someone pronounces a  word wrong, you correct them, politely. If  someone has a different accent, you don’t make fun of them or constantly remind them of it. Let them be. They do not have to change it.

So just live, and let people be. Being different gives the world color. Even the grays are important. Spread the knowledge to all.

Book Musing (My Feminist Perspective)- Sita:Warrior of Mithila by Amish

What comes to your mind when you hear the name Sita?

Ram’s wife who got kidnapped by Raavan? Or the name you always used in school while making up sentences and stories which had a girl in it?

Fortunately, Amish’s book highlights much more about the mythological character, who is usually epitomized as the “perfect wife”.

While reading a book or watching a movie or a show, I have a habit of paying close attention towards the portrayal of women in them. Most of the times, it reflects the condition of women in that period, and sometimes, the creator attempts to propagate their idea of it.

The male and female are like the two wings of a bird and when both wings are reinforced with the same impulse, the bird of humanity will be enabled to soar heaven-ward to the summit of progress.

 – Abdu’l-Baha, Divine Philosophy, p. 82.

I would like to believe that Amish is attempting to propagate the above philosophy, among many others, through his book Sita: The Warrior of Mithila. It is the second book of the Ram Chandra Series, published by  Westland Publications in 2017.

The current book narrates the life of Sita, an individual, a princess, a Prime Minister and a Vishnu. She is as capable as Ram, who is in awe of her because of her qualities, and they get married for love.

I highly appreciate the reflection of feminism in the book. Ram and Sita, and also the other characters, believe that they can be equal partners. They believe that they together can inspire the nation and bring back its glory. Both man and woman, can together, be the Vishnu.

Women are not mere props in the book and they are not discriminated against, almost anywhere. If they are capable, they are allowed to rule. Other major female characters such as Sita’s mother, Sunaina, the slum dweller, Samichi and also Sita’s friend, Radhika, the trader  Manthara,  are shown as individuals who are not discriminated against because of their gender and are at good positions in the administration. Even Urmila, Sita’s sister, who is shown as a delicate girl, chooses to live as a housewife. It was not forced upon her.

The beauty about feminism is that it is not about glorification of women and bashing of men. It is about treating both the genders equally and giving equal rights and freedom to both.

This book, quite ingeniously, displays the philosophy. The male characters in the book are not belittled or used as props. They are shown as equally efficient and possess freedom of choice, for example,  King Janak chooses to pay more attention to philosophy rather than administration.

Also, the first book of the series, “Ram- The Scion of Ikshvaku” narrated the early life of the Ayodhya prince in a similar, brilliant manner.

Another part of the story which got etched in my mind is the conversation between Bharat and Sita, wherein they discuss the Masculine way of life and the Feminine way of life. The words are not related to gender but different ideologies. Here, Sita talks in favour of the Masculine way of life, which has rigid rules and there is more certainty.

On the other hand, Bharat supports the Feminine way of life, in which there is an underlying belief that people are capable of finding a balance on their own. There are rules, but people possess freedom to choose and also change them, and this freedom helps them find a balance. (Reading the book will help you get a better understanding).

The book, efficiently, represents many opposing views, ideas and philosophies, and shows how people think and choose,  and what can be their consequences.

After reading this page-turner, I am eagerly waiting for the third book of the series- Raavan: Orphan of Aryavarta,  and how all the incidents of the three books will culminate in the untitled fourth book.

The best part about Amish’s books is the realistic touch he gives to mythological characters, who are supposed to possess supernatural powers, due to which they are revered as Gods. Amish taught me that anyone can become great due to their abilities, Karma and a belief in themselves. His books made me believe in myself.

Will return with more musings soon. Till then, don’t cry over dead onions.

Adieu.

P.S. None of my write-ups are paid. I am not that popular,yet. 😛

Book Musings #1: Chandni Begum

He who should search for the pearls must dive below. Hence, I dived into the book and struck gold.

Although we know many realities, we acknowledge only the most convenient one.

Although we think several thoughts, we acknowledge the only the socially acceptable ones. This reality is portrayed brilliantly in the Jnanpith Award-winning book “Chandni Begum” by Qurratullain Hyder.

“Chandni Begum”, written by Qurratulain Hyder, was originally published in Urdu in 1989. The translated version by Saleem Kidwai was published by Women Unlimited in 2017.

The tale closes in on the lives and struggles of Qambar, Bela, Safia and Chandni Begum, and several people related to them, transcending through decades, ranging from the partition towards the end of the twentieth century. Several themes such as the impact of partition, struggles of aristocracy, the growing poverty of artists, the romantic revolutionaries, Marxism, conditions of women, the Tinsel town, the Colonial hangover, Mandir-Majid riots, and death, are presented beautifully in this 340 pages deep gold mine, offering a riveting tale of the turmoil in the country and among the people’s minds and hearts.

 Social psychology across decades is portrayed so magically in the story, I could not help but muse. The actions and reactions of all kinds of people- rich, poor, dying, vicious, saintly, politicians and so many others,  which is still relevant, and I guess, will always be.

How our thoughts about the “What ifs” of life can lead us to our own death. How the “socialists”, who persevere to build a class-less society comment about “low-class”  people achieving high status. How we think that we are liberal and modern, but our speech and actions, due to decades of conditioning, display otherwise. How the Us vs Them thinking pattern is ruining the world. How rumors lead to riots and how our magic sky people are actually ruling our minds and turning us into beasts. How things change and the ones who are unable to change successfully with time wither away. How only the victorious are celebrated and everything else is forgotten. Ironically (or maybe not) I had picked up this book from the book-fair as “Winner of the Jnanpith Award, 1989” printed on the cover assured my mind that it must be good. The display of the frailty of human mind, at its best.

Although slow paced, it becomes exciting at times and takes unexpected twists and turns, which might make the reader wonder if anything else is left to continue the story, but it does continue, threading every part beautifully like a pearl necklace.

I would highly recommend people to read this book if you are looking for an adventurous and contemporary non-fictitious fiction.

Will be back with another review soon. Adieu.

P.S. Check out the few thought provoking excerpts from the book.

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