Today is one of those days when I got nothing to write about. Nothing. Zippo. Nada. So I will write about having nothing to write about cause it’s my blog and I can. The only place where I have free will or the illusion of it. One can never know.
I was planning to not write tonight. Again. Yet my heart just said that I had to, otherwise I will break my promise to myself. If anyone is reading this, apologies for the tardiness today.
I got asked the worst question ever today. That too twice. No, it was not “When are you getting married you are so old I don’t have a life haha”. It was- ” What are your future plans for your career? Where will you shift after your current job?”
Fortunately, the questions were asked by my friends, so I just shut them up by saying- “Don’t ask me these HR questions.” and attempted to fake laugh to not sound rude.
In my mind, I was blank. Both the times. Nothing. Nada. I have no clue. I used to think that I had a clue. I used to think about my career path and how I will navigate it. But now, I do not know if I even want to do those things, or if I am capable of doing those things. The fear of uncertainty gripped me in the entirety and I spiraled into a mild existential crisis. I say ‘mild’ here because I have had worse ones.
I wonder if I will always be like this, or things will improve with age as I will be more sure about it, though I do not see any super-confident and content adults around me. It makes me wonder if I have the chance of ever being sure of myself. It is funny how there are numerous Ted Talks on “Finding your Passion” and then numerous others on “It is all Hoax”. I find both bullshit.
Maybe it is because life is different for each person and the only thing common is hope. There can never be black and white. It is a rainbow with multiple shades and palettes, some of which cannot even be labelled.
I am probably off-brown as I am brown and something is always off about me. I don’t know if I make sense here. I don’t care about it. I am happy to live under the illusion of free-will over my blog. Do not dare to touch it.
I went from nothing to 434 words. Writing is truly an enriching activity.
Here’s to 434 words of Day 13. Cheers!
OnionMusings 